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A coffee with… My Mum

[ITALIAN VERSION BELOW – VERSIONE ORIGINALE IN ITALIANO SOTTO]

Until now I have always talked to you about my experiences of being an expat from my point of view. I think it would be interesting to consider another point of view. So, I have asked my mum a few questions about how she felt when I left home and if she noticed any differences in me since when I first left home.

Before showing you the questions and answers, I want to give a foreword thought: My parents have always supported my choice of moving and studying abroad, they knew it has always been my dream, and one of the reasons why it became my dream is because of them. I felt I had to say this because I know many people who, on the contrary, didn’t have the same support from their family, and this definitely makes it way more difficult to leave home, both for the person who’s moving away, and for those who do not accept or understand this choice.

After this brief introduction here is the interview

Have you ever been unsure or scared about my experience abroad?

Sometimes, especially at the beginning, I was afraid that the melancholy for home would have brought you to give up your dream. Instead, you have been brave and capable to keep going. Despite the tears and bad feelings, you have been loyal to your dream. Also, another concern I had was for you to find nice people to stay with, people who would be encouraging and cheerful.

How were you feeling when my departure date was getting closer?

I was excited for you because finally your dreams, which you were preparing for a long time with lot of motivation and dedication, were coming true. At the same time, though, I was confused when thinking about how the house would be without you.

What about the moment when, after helping me move and set up all my stuff, we said goodbye?

Again, I was really happy for you but quite sad about the thought you wouldn’t be at home anymore, and whom would I plan to eat with on Sundays? Who would I have to discuss or argue with about pointless stuff? Despite this, I knew that this was the right thing to do: leaving you free to live your dreams and enjoy new experiences.

What were your thoughts after the first Skype call, when you saw me really unhappy (actually in tears, really strong tears) and not yet used to the new environment?

If I’d listened to my instinct I would have taken the first flight to come to you, but I knew I had to hold on. Successively when one step at a time I saw you calmer, I started to reassure myself and be happy for you.

What about now, that we rarely manage to Skype or videocall?

Luckily we still manage to text good morning and good night to each other, but during the rest of the day I try to imagine what you’re doing, I assume you’re enjoying your time, meeting new people, knowing new cultures and I’m really glad for that.

What are the aspects that you have noticed are different since when I moved abroad?

You’ve grown up from a mental point of view, and your behaviour is different: you are more concerned about how people feel. Although, I also notice that when you stay in Italy for longer than 2 weeks you can’t wait to go back to your new home… It’s as if Padova (my city) has become too small for you, but I totally understand! You’ve become citizen of the world and I’m really proud of this!

What would you say to a mum who is facing her first detachment for her child?

That she’s giving him/her a great opportunity to personally grow, and that you are giving him/her new eyes to discover the world.
What about you? Have you ever asked your parents how were they feeling when you left for your first long experience abroad or even just by yourself?

 


Fino ad ora ho sempre parlato della mio esperienza da expat solo dal mio punto di vista. Ho pensato però fosse interessante condividere con voi un altro punto di vista…così ho chiesto a mia mamma  qualche domanda rispetto alle sue emozioni e sensazioni che aveva prima della partenza e all’inizio di questa esperienza.

Prima di farvi leggere le domande e le risposte però, devo fare una premessa:
I miei genitori mi hanno sempre sostenuta e motivata a realizzare il mio sogno di andare a vivere e studiare all’estero, anzi, credo che in parte se l’ho sempre avuto come sogno è sicuramente anche grazie a loro. Mi è sembrato giusto specificarlo perchè so che a differenza mia, molte altre persone che come me coltivano questo sogno, devono invece ricorrere a litigi o partire con in groppa la disapprovazione da parte dei loro famigliare e penso che in questo caso le risposte di un genitore alla domanda “come hai vissuto questo distacco?” sarebbero decisamente diverse dalle risposte di mia mamma.

Detto questo, ecco le domande e le risposte:

Hai mai avuto paure e incertezze legate alla mia esperienza?

Ogni tanto pensavo che la nostalgia potesse prendere il sopravvento e quindi indurti mollare tutto, invece sei stata molto, molto brava, anche con le lacrime hai tenuto fede al tuo sogno. Inoltre ero preoccupata che tu riuscissi a trovare coetanei intelligenti, stimolanti e allegri che all’inizio sembrava quasi impossibile…

Come ti sentivi mentre la mia partenza si avvicinava?

Mi sentivo emozionata per te perchè finalmente stavi iniziando a realizzare il tuo sogno che preparavi con dedizione da alcuni anni. Allo stesso tempo però ero un po’ disorientata nel pensare la casa senza la tua presenza fisica

E nel momento della partenza vero e proprio, quando sistemato e montato tutto mi avete lasciata nella mia nuova casa?

Sicuramente gioia per te e una leggera nostalgia perchè non ti avrei trovato a casa, con chi litigare? discutere? Programmare e pianificare le Domeniche? Sentivo comunque che era gusto così lasciarti prendere il volo per permetterti di vivere la tua vita, le tue esperienze.

Quali erano i tuoi pensieri dopo le prime chiamate skype vedendomi non proprio felice ed integrata al nuovo ambiente?

D’istinto avrei preso il primo volo per stare insieme a te, poi piano piano vedendoti più serena mi rassicuravo ed ero e sono felice per te! I tuoi occhi adesso si illuminano, parli con entusiamo della tua esperienza universitaria e di vita.

E ora invece, quando a volte non riusciamo nemmeno a sentirci per skype una volta a settimana?

Cerco di immaginare cosa stai facendo, spero che tu stia bene, che ti confronti con il mondo e con culture diverse. Anche se almeno il saluto mattutino e serale c’è quasi sempre via messaggio e quando non rispondi immagino che tu sia impegnata in altro, dallo studio ma anche a divertirti, che è giusto così!

Quali sono gli aspetti che vedi in me cambiati rispetto a quando vivevo stabile in Italia?

Sei cresciuta di testa e nei comportamenti; presti  maggior attenzione anche agli altri, anche se noto che se un tuo “soggiorno” italiano è più prolungato nel tempo non vedi l’ora di ripartire….come se ormai Padova ti fosse diventata stretta, lo capisco ! Ormai sei cittadina del mondo…e di questo ne sono fiera

Cosa diresti a un genitore che si trova per la prima volta a vivere il distacco da una figlia/o?

Che per Amore del figlio gli da una grande opportunità di crescita  personale e gli permette di conoscere il mondo.

E voi, avete mai chiesto ai vostri genitori come si sono sentiti quando eravate in procinto di partire per un’esperienza all’estero o per la prima volta soli?

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20 Comments

  • Reply Sabrina

    Bellissima intervista, complimenti a te e alla tua mamma 🙂

    21/07/2016 at 23:24
  • Reply Angie

    So great you did this interview with your mother! She sounds like an awesome woman.
    Like yours, my parents have always been supportive of everything I do and want to do, so moving away and traveling around like this was never an issue with them. My mom thinks it’s great that I get to travel and experience the world. My father doesn’t voice his opinion too much, but he understands. When we moved to France the first time for our sojourn, he wasn’t too thrilled about it, but he never told me no or wasn’t supportive. I think my parents would prefer for me to live closer like in the States somewhere, but now they’re used to it and are excited about visiting me abroad instead!

    21/07/2016 at 23:29
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Thank you Angie! And thank you also for sharing your experience! I think it so much easier and pleasureful to live this life knowing we are supported from the people we love! Of course for them it’s always harder seeing us going away but I think the important is that they see us happy and this make them feel happy too 🙂

      22/07/2016 at 8:03
  • Reply Jennifer Juneau

    Lisa, what an awesome idea and interview with your Mom <3 This is a beautiful, loving and supportive post by both of you. I can imagine how your Mom felt at times and I can also imagine how you felt too. It's so nice you have such a special bond with each other.

    21/07/2016 at 23:34
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Thanks Jennifer! ❤️ Yes, I feel very lucky! Having the support of both my parents has always been a great incentive for me!
      Thank you for reading 🙂

      22/07/2016 at 8:05
  • Reply Karishma

    wow!! such a great idea to interview with mom. It’s such a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing hun. I really loved reading this 🙂
    http://yourbeautyjournal.com/ipsy-bag-july-2016/

    21/07/2016 at 23:50
  • Reply Debbie

    Oh Lisa! This is so touching. Thanks for sharing your mom’s point of view. In some ways, I relate, as the mom part of me is watching all the ways I’ve grown since moving to NY. ☺ Blessings to you and your home

    22/07/2016 at 3:36
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Thank you for reading Debbie❤️ Your words are always so special! Have a great week end!😘

      22/07/2016 at 8:07
  • Reply Deboleena

    This is such a nice post especially the fact that your mum’s answer were so beautiful and touching 💕

    22/07/2016 at 4:39
  • Reply Olaf

    great blogging and thanks soo much to follow my blogging to , have are wonderful blogging day

    22/07/2016 at 5:43
  • Reply Agnese - I'll B right back

    Bella questa intervista, non ho mai pensato di farne una simile a mia mamma perché ne avrei un po’ paura! Ahah no dai, scherzi a parte, i miei si lamentano molto dei miei periodi all’estero e spesso non ne capiscono i motivi insiti, ma so benissimo che sotto sotto sono felici e molto orgogliosi di me!
    Un abbraccio 🙂

    22/07/2016 at 8:38
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Grazie Agnese 🙂 Si ti capisco, d’impatto la paura e la nostalgia prevalgono ma poi vedendoti felice sono sicuramente felici anche loro! 🙂
      Grazie per il commento e buona fortuna per la tua nuova avventura Neo Zelandese, sono molto curiosa di leggere i tuoi racconti! 🙂

      22/07/2016 at 9:28
  • Reply Nina

    Hello Lisa! This is a wonderful post. It’s great that you and your mum keep in touch when you’re abroad. I supposed she is an amazing mum to have such a brave, kind, and loving daughter that you are! I wish you success and may you always find joy in your travels. 🙂

    22/07/2016 at 15:25
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Oh thank you very much Nina for your Kind words ❤️ Thanks for reading, blessings to you too 🙂

      23/07/2016 at 7:40
  • Reply Anne Downing

    My parents didn’t seem bothered about me travelling and just said that I had to live my own life. I now have 2 small children and I am sure I would be devastated if they decide to live overseas!

    25/07/2016 at 14:29
    • Reply Lisa // Fromdreamtoplan

      Well that’s normal I think, also because they’re still little 🙂 I’m not a mother so I believe I can’t totally understand your feeling but I’m sure that if one day they’ll want to move and this is what they’ll make them happy then everything will be more natural…not easy but maybe more understandable 🙂

      25/07/2016 at 15:09

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